Narrated by Ariel.
Life has not been as great as I would like. How can so much happen to a 24 year old? I guess there is too much just too much that can happen.
My kids are now five years old. We really didnt celebrate their birthday because we are so financially strapped for cash right now. Any money we had we literally spent it all on the house. We both got lottery win ($37,000) and we paid off our loan. I am so happy that we are done with our mortgage but in truth we are now more in debt that ever.
It was also a blessing that I received the news that I was pregnant. Frances was happy because we were ready to have another baby. I was having bad morning sickness. I got up in the middle of the night and realized that I was stained in blood.
I was not that far along and I realized that I had miscarried our baby. I didnt need to go to the hospital but I was devastated.
Frances did not want to try again for another baby. He thought that this was a sign for us to be happy with our four kids. I did not want to stop I wanted to be pregnant and actually enjoy a baby rather than running around trying to feed them all at once.
Before we knew it I announced both to my sister Asia and my husband that I was pregnant again. We were so excited because it was a while before I conceived. My sister and Frances was worried but I was happy to be expecting.
Shortly after I had another miscarriage and this was what hurt our marriage the most. I wanted to get back to health and try again but Frances denied me. He told me he was done and that it would not happen again. He wanted me to get on birth control and I denied him. For the first time I felt that he wanted out of this marriage.
I was so depressed because of my miscarriages. I thought that there was something I was doing wrong. I spent hours in the bath tub thinking what went wrong.
If things could not be worse we were robbed. I thank God everyday that Frances made us put that alarm in. The police caught the robber but it was still a risk I rather not take again.
I had fallen into a deep depression after that. I thought that everything was my fault for not being careful. Frances was telling me that it was not my fault.
Frances and I barely talked to each other. We only talked when we made well now it was just having sex. I was getting tired of being pressured to act normal. How could I when I was not. How else could you explain 2 miscarriages?
Finally after months of my attitude I decided to change things around but it was too late. Frances told me that he was tired of seeing me and needed a break. That break included him moving out. I was floored when he told me but I had my pride. I did not beg him to stay and if he wanted to leave then fine. I was not going to stop him.
I saw him leave and I thought to myself "this is the man I married?" I honestly thought he would be with me yet at first sign of trouble he leaves me.
Life has a funny way of working out. It seems that after Frances left he left me with a little present. Yes I was finally pregnant. Right after I had resigned myself to no more kids I noticed that I was pregnant. Frances doesn't know. His phone got cut off and I have not been able to reach him. He's left messages saying he has no money. Go figure. Need I say that my mama warned me?
Time passed and my beautiful baby girl Nianna was born. There is no one here to help by my children and myself. I know we can make it with or without Frances in our lives.
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